I’m not sure why I’ve never thought about it before. I’ve sure read it many times around the interwebs, doing things quietly takes the pressure off. For me it also means that I can be myself, because nobody knows that I’m doing it.
I’ve lost myself a little bit. I was looking everywhere, but I couldn’t find the person I used to be. The person who just did things she wanted to do, without asking herself if someone was waiting for this, it it made sense or if it wasn’t already done before. Newsflash! Everything (well almost) was done before. Especially in writing. We are just repeating the same tropes with our own spices added to them. And it’s fine. We don’t need to keep inventing the wheel.
But there’s another thing that bothers me. The big announcements. Whatever we do we need to tell the world about it. Otherwise it’s not real. We announce new projects, new ideas, even that we need to work quietly for a while. Why not just do it? Just jump in, do the work, let it speak for itself when it’s ready?
And then I’ve read Lisa Olivera’s newsletter (definitely click on the pep talk link at the bottom) this morning and realised that I was also constantly worrying about the work I do in a way I shouldn’t be worrying about it. Why would I want to spend my time questioning the sense of what I do? Why can’t I just accept that my own enjoyment in writing, blogging, putting it all out there is enough?
Well, I’m not going to blame it all on social media, but it is where it started for me. The comparison, the constant questioning if my work is valuable enough, the fear of not getting enough attention to be worthy of the space I’m taking.
I’ve realised that the constant hunger for growth, for getting big, bigger, biggest and better, the best, was killing my writing self. The person I was constantly looking for was there, just slowly dying from the outside stimulation.
I need the quiet, the silence to hear myself, to know who I am and what I think. I need it to be able to do my work, to enjoy the process, to let go of perfection.
I like what Emma Straub says in this interview with Carissa Potter from Bad At Keeping Secrets:
I get more satisfaction from putting things into the world and trying, then from obsessing over something until it’s perfect. There are so few hours in a day and I would rather spend them making things. Perfectionism feels not conducive to actually making things.
That’s the thing. I just want to do stuff, try things out, feel the energy and enthusiasm by doing the work. I just want to be myself.
A bit against everything I’ve said, but I just wanted to let you know that I’ve started a new segment of this newsletter, Morning Stories. It’s a little story of the moment, shared every Sunday morning. I hope you’ll enjoy it as I really feel drawn to doing it.