I’m sat at my desk co-writing with two brilliant writers. One working on her edits, the other on a new book idea. And there’s me, trying to find my way back in.
Writing and reading keep me sane and still I haven’t been doing nearly enough of either of them in the last couple of months. On one hand, the new job was claiming a good portion of my energy, on the other the SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) took some toll on my mental health. Yes, yes I’m living in the Northern Hemisphere and the autumn has just started. I have a reversed SAD (my explanation, nothing official about this idea) and I feel the effect of not experiencing darkness for too long.
Summer days are long in the Netherlands, too long. For months I’m going to bed and wake up while there’s light outside. As much as I understand that we need light and sunshine for our well-being, I also believe that we need darkness as well.
Darkness is beautiful. Where I live, it gets really dark. I cycle home from work and I can only see as far as my bike light allows. I can hear the creatures hiding in the bushes on both sides of the cycling path. I enjoy the long evenings I can spend on the sofa, not feeling guilty about all the things I could be doing outside. I enjoy experiencing the blackness of the night and I’m grateful for the low light pollution and for being able to see the stars.
Soon I’ll be putting the flower bulbs in the ground so they can get through their own dark and cold period, getting stronger with every passing month, to come out and bloom in the spring.
I won’t be hibernating myself, but I’ll be working on my strength and building up the power to bloom. I’ll be here, at my desk, whenever I can, working, getting closer to the place where I want to be. It’s the darkness that powers me in my pursuit. Since the days are shorter I feel better, stronger, happier.
We often talk about shorter days like they are something bad, like the darkness is more present in our lives than the light. But maybe, if we embraced the darkness, if we experienced it fully, we could enjoy it a little bit more.
Will you embrace darkness this winter?