Finding my way home

On dream life and what it means to me

A little bit over two years ago we moved from the crowded west of the Netherlands to the east, the region called Achterhoek (meaning rear-corner). We live in a small village, on the border with Germany. There’s nothing here, not even a supermarket. We get our groceries in the village nearby, which is 5 km away. It’s a quiet place, where we live and we have a gorgeous view behind our house. We look over the fields straight into the trees standing along the river. The feeling of space we were looking for is definitely present. And still…

There’s this feeling of longing hovering around me. A longing for even more quiet, for even less people around me, for more freedom. I can’t really describe it well, as I don’t know yet fully what it entails. I just know that there’s something else I still want from my life. I mostly know what it is, but I just don’t know yet where I can find it. Is it the physical space that needs to change? Or maybe the way I work and spend my days would be enough?

I know for sure that what I want more is the feeling of freedom, of being able to work from anywhere, even though I’m not planning on being a nomad or a traveller. But I want to be able to move and not be worried about work and how to earn money. I want to be able to take my work with me wherever I may end up. And if we decide to stay where we are I still want to have the flexibility and freedom to work from wherever I want to.

I always wanted this, I was telling my friends that someday I’ll be able to work in my pyjamas since I was twenty something. I’m forty four and I’m still not there. How is this possible? I definitely took a wrong turn somewhere.

Lately the feeling, the longing, is even stronger. I’m not sure if it’s the result of living where I live and knowing for sure that the quiet and being on my own (well, with my husband and our cat) makes me happier than the busy city life? Or, maybe, I’m being influenced by Martijn Doolaard whose videos on renovating small cabins in the Italian Alps we’re watching. Or maybe it’s simply time to finally find my way home, to the life of my dreams? Maybe it’s just time to stop hiding in other lives and do what needs to be done. Maybe it’s my age and realisation that with good winds I’m half way there and that I need to get a grip and finally give myself permission to live the life I really want to live.

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Any thoughts?