Getting the message
Pain, stress and calming Jude
I woke up without pain and immediately knew that the night was pain free too. Such a relief after more than a week of struggling to find a pain free position in bed, or anywhere else for that matter. The pain came back five minutes later, but it’s less sharp today and I’m hopeful that it will leave my body sooner than last time. It’s a stress pain, mainly located in my stomach, but it tends to move to other areas of my belly. The cause for stress is also known, not much I can do about it right now, but I am considering going into therapy to find ways to better protect myself against it.
This pain is new, but also not really. When I was a child, I always had a tummy ache when I was in a stressful situation. But it never took this long to pass. Mostly it would pass when the thing causing the stress was over, but now it seems to enjoy itself in my body. Or, actually, the stress is not left the building body yet. And I know that’s true, because it’s not a single situation (although this is the cause of this debilitating pain), it’s an ongoing thing.
I’m working on changing things, my work situation being one of them, but it’s not easy, for many reasons. And there are some things I can’t change and have to learn to not let them influence me as much as they do now.
I try to focus on things that give me pleasure and positive energy. I try not to get all worked up about things I can’t do anything about, but it’s all easier said than done. We live in a world that’s getting more unstable by the day. And I can’t just shrug and behave like nothing is going on. I’ve already limited my news intake to once, sometime twice a day. I’m not active on Instagram, very little on Bluesky and I’m even restricting myself to using Substack only on my laptop. Everything to calm my anxiety and give my mind space to work through stuff.
I’ve been spending a lot of time on the sofa lately. Mostly reading, as with a good book in hand I can escape the reality for a while. But I’ve also been watching some series (mostly Bones, because I prefer to watch one series fully, before starting another, which is a complete opposite of my reading habits) and YouTube. And on the latter I’ve found Jude and I’m hooked.
Jude:
In 2023 I was in a rut. I was burnt out, exhausted and grieving the death of my parents. In 2024 I knew something had to change, so I closed my business, sold my house and moved to an old stone cottage in the middle of the Scottish countryside. Join me as I attempt to renovate the cottage (and attached barn), build a back yard homestead on less than an acre, and fall in love with life, all over again.
Watching his videos is soothing and he’s so funny and real. I thing that lots of our values align, but also he’s doing what I’m still dreaming about, living in the middle of nowhere and doing things (and life) his own way. I wouldn’t sign up for a big renovation project, but otherwise I understand his way of living and his reasons for it very well.
You can watch Rewilding Jude here.
My body is telling me something and I can’t ignore its message this time. Being scared that the pain is a sign of something much more serious than stress, reminded me that there are things I want to be doing and things I really don’t care about. Now I need to shift the focus to the former and slowly, but surely keep removing the latter.
Jude is such a treasure!