There’s this thought that keeps bothering me, knocking at my mind every day. What if I stopped using Instagram for a year? This thought scares me, a lot. Instagram is my window into the larger world, it makes me feel connected. But there are some questions that want to be answered. Would I be happier and less prone to depressive episodes without it? Would I be more creative? Would I write more? And read more? Could I find my own way through life again?
This thought also excites me. I love life experiments and challenges. It’s really tempting to just do it and see what happens. But… But… But… There’s lots of buts, although most of them undefined. Because I’m scared. Of what, though? Is it FOMO? Probably. Of being forgotten by people? Definitely. Of missing important stuff from other people’s lives? For sure. But maybe I’m mostly scared of liking my life without it and never wanting to go back?
I wouldn’t disappear from the interwebs completely. I have my blog, and I hope I would be more present on there, and I have this space, these letters. My blog is probably the only quiet space at the moment. There’s nobody else there to keep me scrolling, to distract me, to educate me, to tell me how to live my life.
And there’s Substack, where people are writing simply to share their thougths, their experience, their observations. It feels safer, quieter, even with the arrival of Notes. It’s less shouty, more conversational. And I can always only read the posts, the letters, ignoring the Threads (which I was doing anyway) and Notes. On Substack it’s up to me what I feed my brain.
I’m tired. I’m looking for some space in my head. I need a space where I won’t be confronted with other people’s opnions constantly, with thousands of the only right ways to live a life. This and the fact that I haven’t written properly in a while are the main reasons why this idea is coming back to me again and again.
I need quiet, I need space, I need to rediscover my own way of living this precious life. I want to follow my aunt and uncle’s trip around Southern Europe with their old camper, without thinking that it’s another app to keep up with on my phone. I want to walk, read and write about life stuff. I want to be less tired. I want to be, live, experience this life in my own way.
Do I need to leave Instagram for that? Maybe I do. Maybe it’s the only way for me to give my mind a break, to clear it from all the stuff I’m feeding it everyday. Maybe I need more space. Maybe I should follow my aunt and uncle’s example and live my life the way I want to. They always did and they are my favourite people in this family. So maybe I should. Maybe I will.
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You have to do what makes you happy and feels right for you 🌻 Your upcoming camper van trip sounds fun! Where are you planning to go to? Southern Europe is a big space... 🌺