We are back home and it feels good to be back. Back to Alice, the cat, back to my room and my desk and my wonderful bike. One of the reasons why I couldn’t live in the UK is that cycling is still dangerous there. I was so tired of having to get the car to get anywhere. I really appreciate the Dutch cycling infrastructure and my red e-machine even more now.
I still have a week of and I want to use it to (re)build my routine. Part of it will be what it was, but I need to do more of the things that are important to me, so that the job at the library will become less important to me and will occupy less space in my head.
This morning I feel a little bit anxious, because in my morning journaling I’ve discovered something I know is very important, but very hard to change. And very scary as the change means no looking for blueprints any more, no following someone else’s ways, but doing things my own way, figuring stuff out as I go.
I can feel my heart racing as I write these words. I’m even a little be nauseated. Can I do this? Can I just live the life my own way?