Morning Stories: Going in the wrong direction
Mental health, doing more of what is good for me
I’ve been sitting at the breakfast table for about two hours this morning, writing in my notebook. Still, I don’t know what to write to you today. I want to tell you that the sun is sending its rays through a layer of clouds and gives me hope for the warmer days, which are not coming just yet. And that Alice (my cat) is not pleased with me today, as she requires much more attention than I’m giving her this morning. She’s turning her back on me right now and I know it’s because the laptop took her spot on my lap. It’s difficult to keep this kitty happy, sometimes.
I want to write about the birds singing and the nature waking up from the winter sleep, but it’s all stuck somewhere deep in my head and the words don’t want to come to me.
My head feels heavy and full, filled with cotton wool. My mental health took a dive in the last few weeks and I think I know why. I don’t write enough, I’ve let myself to be pulled into library work more than I intended to. And it’s not the first time this happened. My need of acceptance took over and pushed me in the wrong direction. It’s just so nice when someone sees the potential in me and wants me to do more. Only, this is not what I want to be doing more of.
What I want to be doing more of is writing, translating, getting closer to the life I want to live. The library job is there to support me financially (which it does only partially at the moment), to give me space to create, to write, to work towards who I want to be. And I know that by doing more of all this, my mental health will improve and I will be able to enjoy my life again.
I hope you’re doing better than me.
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