I’ve started my day with some stretches today. My physiotherapist insists that this is exactly what my back needs. I was a little bit distracted by the view. Also I wasn’t really there, on the mat, my mind was wandering and I’m not sure I could tell you which exercises I did exactly.
It’s such a strange thing, feeling disassociated from my own body. It’s like I’m split in two and there’s no way of connection. And still, my body does what my mind is telling it to do. But they’re feel separate at the same time. I just can’t wrap my head around it.
Disassociation is always strange, I often have it in a group setting. It’s like I’m floating around, watching myself from a distance, but at the same time I’m extremely present and conscious of the situation I’m in. It feels like it’s all not real and very real at the same time. It’s like being in a bubble, the sounds a little bit muffled, like when you keep your head under water.
I like it sometimes, it makes me feel safe. But it also can make me feel alone and unbelonging. So I’ll go now, look for myself and try to reconnect my body and mind and find my way back to belonging.