Things change quickly sometimes. At the beginning of June I’ve started a new, fulltime, job at a secondhand bookshop and at the end of the month I was handing in my resignation. The job itself was great, so were the colleagues, but there was a feeling of discomfort, of not being completely who I am.
I knew fairly quickly that I didn't want to work full-time. I actually knew it before I even started the job, but I figured that I’ll be able to work less hours after a couple of months. It turned out I wasn’t, the owner didn’t agree and I had to reassess my situation. I took a step back and looked at my life with this job and I didn’t really like what I saw. It wasn’t the life I wanted to live. I didn’t want cram my life into three hours a day and weekends. This was the reason I never actually wanted to work full-time, because I want to have time for other things, for doing nothing, for just hanging on the sofa with my husband and talk. Or to sit in my room and write. Or to read. Or to go for a long walk in the middle of the day. I need to able to be who I am.
When I heard that working less wasn’t an option I knew I couldn’t stay there. And it happened for the first time in my life, I felt it with my whole body. I couldn’t stay there, because I’m a writer, not a bookseller. Sure I still would love to work in a bookshop, but it has to be something I do next to writing, not the other way round. I’m simply not one of those people who can fit thousand of other activities next to a fulltime job. I need to rest, I value a good night sleep, I’m not one for the hustle.
So while I’m looking for another (part-time) job I’m spending the summer writing and reading as much as I possibly can. Writing on my blog (often in Dutch and Polish, as well as in English), writing here and also writing things I wanted to write for a while now. I’ll be reading lots too, and below you can see the books I’ve lined up for the coming couple of months.
It felt great to say no to the full-time job. It felt great to listen to myself, to my own needs, to know who I am and what’s important to me. It felt great to be there for myself, to support myself, to be my own friend, finally.
I’m ready to get back on track this summer, to read and write a lot, to work hard on what’s important to me, to keep building the life I want to live.
Tell me, what are your plans for this summer?